Don’t Think, Act
Sometimes you don’t have the luxury of both.
You know, I don’t think there’s a day that passes without someone that knows me commenting on the ridiculous change I’ve undergone over the last two years (even from strangers when they see my ID). For the first time in my life, I started thinking of my life and what it all means within the grand scheme of it all. To be clear, I’ve always been a bit of an existentialist, but I’ve never used this thinking to apply any form of action towards change in my life but rather allow myself to be paralyzed by the grand implication of it all.
While the physical change is what everyone seems to focus on, my biggest growth has been mental. I realized that I was living a life where I wasn’t willing to put in work and allow myself to fail, rather leaning into things I was naturally good at whole wishing I magically improved in things I sucked at. I think a lot of us fall under this trap; resting comfortably in our strengths rather than spend some time getting your ass kicked doing things you suck at. In my case, it was living a healthy life, but also, running.
No matter how much you pontificate on your technique or wish you were faster there is only one way to get good at running — put one foot in front of the other and don’t you dare fucking stop until you’ve achieved your goal. Running is an escape, a place to forgo any thought and just act. Before you tell me to fuck off, I promise this one isn’t about running. This one is about what I’ve learned about myself during those runs; realizing I had no idea what confidence was, real unshakeable confidence until I dedicated all of my free time for 19 months to doing something I absolutely sucked at and how I’ve applied that into my life.
Family.
Unless you’re extremely close to me, my detailed family life is likely to be a mystery to you. There’s nothing out of the ordinary with my life but it’s certainly a bit of a long story, a fun one at that, and one I’m still trying to figure out myself. Needless to say, if I’m guarded is because there’s certain questions or opinions I have been afraid to voice with them before. I have always thought there was a lot I could do to improve my relationship with my parents and for the first time in forever, I am actually taking steps into not just wishing I was a better part of my family but actually being a better part of it.
It’s a consistent struggle and one that I don’t see getting any easier anytime soon, but one that is worth fighting for. Above it all, dealing with family issues is not unlike running in the sense that it’s always uncomfortable no matter how long you’ve been doing it and there’s a high probability that things won’t go according to plan. That’s life though, as humans we need our survival instincts to be triggered, sometimes due to fear, because it serves as catalyst for action.
Any time I run 20+ miles in a single session I push my body to the point that things begin to fail and this weird survival instinct kicks in that pushes me past that mental barrier that is screaming for me to either surrender or fight to survive. I’m rewiring my brain to do the same when it comes to decision-making in tough personal situations.
Work.
[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wy6eUTLzcU4[/embed]
I just had a very long introspective session being honest about many of my professional shortcomings. I think this a good practice for anyone to do but within this, I realized that at some point in the past two years, I got really great at learning and becoming technically proficient at everything I did. That’s a weird flex, but it came at the expense of my ability to execute and push through at times where we needed leadership rather than a student of the arts.
Learning is extremely important and you should always be ready to throw away everything you think you know to be true and start from scratch. I truly think this is a talent in its own and one that can take you very far. However, no amount of learning will ever be worth a damn if you aren’t able to apply those lessons to some good old-fashioned execution. Learn but make sure you put that shit to good use.
In addition, don’t assume that because there’s someone else in the room that person will act. This is called the bystander effect; everyone makes the assumption someone is going to step up and take charge but in turn, nobody does shit.
Dating.
I have been described as bold when it comes to some of the shots I take. However, I used to be plagued by thought when it came time to actually ask someone out past flirting — “should I ask her out? What if she says no”, or “what if we go out and she thinks I’m the worse”, but my favorite “what if we fall in love and this is the last first date I ever go to?”. That last one is probably its own blog. The point is, above any other aspect of my life, jumping into a committed relationship has been my biggest point of hesitation due to overthinking.
And yet, I met this girl on a stereotypical dating app, and while I’m one of those people that like to say “I’m not there to actually meet people” something about her felt different. Our conversation on the app never made it past the stereotypical “hey” and “sup gurl, wanna make out?” before ghosting each other but something in me compelled me to reach out one last time — I don’t know why but I didn’t want to let an opportunity to meet someone pass knowing I didn’t give it my full effort. And it worked, enough to the point where I asked her on a hyper last minute date that I was super unprepared for after spending all Sunday working but I wanted to follow through.
She probably thinks I’m a weirdo and won’t talk to me again (I did make a joke about the water being freshly squeezed from cows) but the point is, I didn’t let my thoughts overwhelm my ability to make a quick decision knowing I would regret not meeting this person and at least giving myself an opportunity to fail in spectacular fashion.
While critical thinking is important in any decision-making process, you can’t allow it to paralyze your ability to actually execute that decision. Sometimes, thought is the enemy of execution.