Why I’m Unfriending You
And asking you to follow me.
I used to love Facebook. Like MySpace, I signed up to meet girls and keep up with gossip. Don’t judge me, I was in high school during the time that “sliding in the DM’s” was being invented (you’re welcome).
Over time, Facebook went from being the cool spot with all my friends to the weird place where everyone you crossed paths with sent you a Friend Request. I was even getting friend requests from my mom and grandma (albeit, they’re both pretty chill).
https://instagram.com/p/BBGYhs0KQ5u/
Believe me, I’ve fantasized about deleting for a couple of years now but the truth is: I’m upset about a problem I have full control of. Facebook provides you curated content from the people you choose to become “friends” with — we control what we consume natively. So, I’ve decided to provide myself with a better experience with social media, starting with Facebook.
My friend, here’s why I unfriended you:
It Isn’t Personal
It’s not you, it’s me. Okay, it’s actually the both of us (but in certain cases, you may indeed suck). The fact of the matter is that people trade Friend Request’s like business men traded business cards before Al Gore invented the internet. Look at your Friends List — how many of those people have you had a real conversation with this week? Month? Year?
I loved Facebook when it delivered relevant content about my real friends, not behaviorally targeted mattresses or watches. But I can’t be mad at Facebook for becoming the second largest advertising platform in the world/gigantic media company rather than improving social media. Wu-Tang Clan said it best; “Cash Rules Everything Around Me, C.R.E.A.M. Get the money, dolla dolla bill ya’ll.”
It’s my fault that I’ve become “friends” with too many strangers to care where they are spending their Tuesday afternoon. I’m happy you’re:
“Hitting dat happy hour! Let’s get weiirrrddd!!! #NoRagrets”
But if I haven't spoken with you since high school, chances are that happy hour won’t be a game changer in our friendship. You deserve an audience of people that will actually want to spend their time with you and make plans over Facebook, I’m just not that person.
You Don’t Know Me
People change every day; we decide to get more serious about our health, stop liking dubstep, take up underground competitive ginger bread house-making. If I met the person I was at the beginning of this year I guarantee we would disagree about a ton of shit, nevertheless who I was 10 years ago. I understand who I used to be but the reality of who I am today is constantly evolving. However you remember me, chances are I’m no longer that person. While we may have had a legendary time together once in the past, you should cherish that time as the beautiful memory it still is. Hopefully our paths will cross again and we’ll have another opportunity to deepen our friendship, but until then, I really don’t want to go see your cousin DJ at the club this Saturday.
I’ve Lost Touch…
…with the people I love. I used to view the days of baby pictures as noise from people I had no real emotional investment. As my real friends start to get married and have kids I really do enjoy seeing the beautiful families they are raising. I also don’t see enough from my family and friends in Peru — Facebook should be closing the distance between us.
Instead, their updates are buried under political fights, cat memes (I don’t mind those), opinions about the latest news, and Flat Earther’s. Not that my real friends are above these things, but I want to be able to care about the opinion of the crazy person telling me about the hole in the middle of the Earth that transports us to the inner world. I want life updates and content from the people I love, not some dude I traded Econ notes with (shout-out to my boy Greg though).
Y U Mad Bro?
I’m slowly realizing that my time and attention are extremely scarce resources that I’m holding on to for dear life because my happiness depends on them. I want to spend my time alive pursuing what I love with the people I love. It may be a selfish take on the great ride, but it’s how I want to live it.
While I'm curating my Facebook to stay closer with friends and family, I will continue to share my own stuff with both friends and followers. You’ll get 80% of the content I post without the annoying status updates asking for brunch recommendations or spoiling Game of Thrones for you. You can also follow my public shenanigans on Instagram, Twitter, and Medium.
Am I becoming a hermit? Possibly. More likely, I recognize the audience segmentation each platform brings to the table. Facebook just happens to be the most thorough one in keeping up with the people I love and I plan to leverage that. The same way how I will continue to leverage Twitter by tweeting about cats and trolling Instagram with vague lyrics and ultra-filtered photos.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BaXZ6okHVXp/?taken-by=adventuresinspacecamp
With each follow, there is the potential to develop a real friendship, one that goes beyond status updates, tweets, and filters. But it all starts with a follow and willingness to invest time and attention in each other.